Willow Rosenberg (spiritus_willow) wrote in back_to_slay,
Willow Rosenberg

back to wicca

The Slayers were gone, which was good, cause I was sick of everybody looking at me like I was sposed to do something I just couldn’t do. I mean, of course I want to help protect Morrigan, and it’s not like I want Faith dead (or at least, you know, not anymore), but it’s just hard to get my focus back when everybody’s waiting for me to do it.

And yeah, yeah. Since everybody (except Tessa) is gone, now is obviously prime magickin’ time. I got there already, even managed to slip out to a magic shop to procure some quality (and way overpriced) supplies. I didn’t need all of it for a simple protection spell, but I figured that if the preliminary stuff went okay then I could try something a little more complicated. May be do the swoopy thing and save the day, save Wes, save... well, pretty much save everybody.

By the time I got back to the hotel, I was feeling pretty confident. Almost full of myself, but not, you know, in the conceited way. Not confident enough to let Tessa see my bag of goodies, which I dutifully hid in my messenger bag, because I didn’t want her to go blabbing to Kennedy about “what Willow did!” Stupid Tessa. I don’t know what she has against me, I mean so what - she’s dating my ex and, if I recall, it was me who did the heartbreakin’.

Of course, now that Kennedy’s got the new sig-o, she and Tessa are acting like it was the other way around. Well, less Kennedy and more Tessa. I feel like getting those iron on letters and writing “OK, I AM NOT TRYING TO STEAL YOUR GIRLFRIEND.” Then, of course, she’d just think I was trying too hard and go even further out of her way to avoid me.

Earth to Tessa: The only girl that I have ever loved has been dead for ten years. And the only guy I’ve loved is a werewolf somewhere in... wherever werewolves go to not be wolfy anymore. So you love Kennedy? I’m glad. Someone should. But I couldn’t. The end.

So I just told her that I was going to take a nap and she thought that was fine, because she didn’t want to deal with me any more than I wanted to deal with her.

I went into my room and changed into white and surrounded myself with white candles. At any other point in my life I would’ve pooh-poohed the safety gear, but right now I couldn’t take any chances. I’m usually the last to admit that my magic sometimes goes kaflooey, and even a little spell flaring out could probably end the world, with my aura as jumbled up as it is. The world’s a little delicate right now.

I closed my eyes and began chanting slowly, focusing my attention on the small crystal that I held in my palms. “Upon Faith and Morrigan I place this spell.” It began vibrating gently - I could feel its tiny movements in my hand. I forced a deep breath. “Athena, Goddess of War, place your protection upon them. Let them be circled by your light. Keep them safe, keep them safe, keep them safe. As the crystal turns to dust beneath my palms, so must it be.”
The candles flickered and I could feel the power surging inside of me and I gasped with the feeling of it. It was bliss, it was orgasmic, it was everything I’d felt when I’d gone evil, only tenfold. Only... not. I clenched my palms together, grinding it to dust, but - it didn’t.

I opened my eyes - I didn’t even realize they were closed til I opened them - and saw that all the candles had gone out. The crystal was still whole, though. I’d messed up. I wasn’t strong enough and it had taken so much out of me. I was useless. I was a stupid, useless, awful witch and I didn’t deserve to have my own magic shop.

Well, at least I could sleep now. Just clean up the candles, change my clothes. Go to sleep and not be a liar. Rather be a liar than a stupid witch failure, but them’s the breaks.

Them’s the breaks.
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